Who is the Divorced D20 Dad?

I’m the guy who was told in Jan 2012 by my (then wife) “Catherine” that after 10+ years of marriage my services as a husband would no longer be required. When I started the blog 2 weeks later in attempt to work through the confusion I was feeling. I later discovered she’d been having an affair. Ugh.

Now that I’ve been writing the blog a while it’s interesting to see the “character arc” of the tone of the articles (pain/confusion/despair to anger to acceptance and the latest rants have been more comedic exasperation.

You can see the short version of what happened on the Timeline page.

I’m in my mid-40s, living in Silicon Valley, CA and have two young beautiful daughters.

Who is the family?

I’m changing the names of everyone in the blog to protect the family. But here’s the run down:

  • Me (aka “Henry”): mid-40’s guy informed by his wife in early 2012 that, “…I cannot be married to you.”
  • “Catherine”: mid-40s soon to be ex-wife of “Henry” and mother of Henry’s two daughters.
  • “Mary”: 8-year old daughter of Henry and Catherine. Spirited and sensitive.
  • “Elizabeth”: 6-year old daughter of Henry and Catherine. Quiet and pensive.
Who else is there mentioned in the blog:
  • “Charles”, the childhood friend of me (“Henry”) who moved in with after the divorce (from June 2012 – Oct 2012).

Why are you did you get divorced?

Updated: Because it seems I had no choice. When I originally started writing this blog I was doing all I could to save my marriage and keep my family in tact. Once I discovered in April 2012 that she’d been having an affair since Dec 2011 (while saying she was trying to work on our marriage) we both realized that our marriage was beyond hope. In her words, “We are too broken.”

Why can’t your wife stay married to you?

Jan 2011: I’m sure that will come out in the blogs over time. For now, the short version is: she doesn’t want to.

Update April 5, 2012: I’ve since discovered she’s also been having an affair since Nov 2011. That certainly didn’t help.

Update Nov 25 2012: Our divorce is now final. Done deal.

Why are you writing this blog?

Jan 2012: Because I like writing; I’m hoping writing about this experience will help me get through the grief. I doubt it will get much readership as I’m not doing much to promote and will be writing anonymously, but  hopefully it might prove helpful or give insight to other divorcing dads out there.

Nov 2012: Well the divorce is now final. I continue to write this blog because this really has been a long journey through a lot of emotions which, even though the marriage is over, the journey is not yet complete. I still feel there is healing left to do. By writing this blog (and interacting via the Twitter account that accompanies it) I’ve met dozens of friends whom I hope to keep for a lifetime.


6 responses to “About

    • Hello Ms. Dating Disasters & Delights!
      Thanks for checking out the blog, and now that I’m about 10 months into this I do agree there is life afterwards. I’ve made some wonderful friends through the people who have stumbled across the blog and on Twitter.

      As for the “Long Suffering Readers”, when I first started writing I wanted to give my readers some sort of nickname to create a sense of bonding between us. I choose “Long Suffering” as a self-deprecating way to thank them for staying with me through my own grieving process, i.e. they’re suffering through my writing rants. I’m certainly hopeful they have joy in their lives outside of my blog 🙂

      Thanks again!

  1. Hi “Henry”, I’m on the other side of this story. I committed adultery and then realised how badly I’d messed up. Right now, I’m trying to rebuild my marriage and my family. Your blog is allowing me to see my marriage through the same lens that my wife must be looking at it through so thank you. My story is ongoing, I’m still fighting to keep everything together. Maybe I’m delusional – who knows.

    • IsHappinessPossible,

      Thanks for checking out the blog, I hope you find it helpful for your situation. I know that every situation is different and I don’t know any of the details going on within your own family but I will offer this if it’s any help: when I first was told she wanted the divorce (and later of her affair) all I wanted was to save my marriage. Once I learned of the affair I knew it would be hard but that was nonetheless all I wanted. I wanted her to “fall on her sword” admit she’ d made the biggest mistake of her life, and swear that she wanted to do everything to save the marriage as well. She did not do that, she just said, “Oh…. we’re so broken… we can’t be saved…”

      I guess my point is: if you are telling her how badly you messed up and how much you want to keep your family together, that is going to be a positive message she’ll want to hear. Just keep saying it. It’s what I wanted to hear. It’s what I wanted to hear every day.

      Good luck to you and your family!

      • I’m not saying that I’ve messed up and that I want to keep the family together, I’m demonstrating it in my actions. I’m showing up at 7am before the kids wake up, taking them to school, picking them up, returning home, doing dinner, homework, bath times and then staying there until bedtime. I do this every day using the rest of the day to rehabilitate myself and work. It’s exhausting (10 weeks now) but I am hoping that she sees that I really do mean it. My words seem cheap at the moment so I’m hoping my actions do the talking.

        Good luck to you as well.

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