My dearest Long Suffering Readers, Happy Thanskgiving and Black Friday!
A few minutes ago I read a slate.com article about parents who spend their Thanksgiving holiday togther. As we’re now crawling into year 2 of the separation, I thought I’d share my experiences here.
Quick reminder of where we we were for the last few Thanksgivings’:
- Thanksgiving 2011: I was very depressed, for while the separation/divorce/bombshell hadn’t yet happened, I could tell that Catherine was becoming more and more distant and detached and it was at Thanksgiving 2011 where I said to her sister, “She’s either having an affair or about to have an affair…” (Sadly I was right, she had been flirting with Other Man and started fucking him in Dec.
- Thanksgiving 2012: I had gone through all the separation/divorce turmoil and was officially divorced by 1 week–my divorce was declared final Nov 16, 2012. In hindsight, most of my friends are amazed at how quickly my divorce was finalized. we went from The Bombshell to officially divorced in 11 months. I had also been blown-off by Hot Pool Mom that same week which added to my despair last year.
- Thanksgiving 2013: Last night. Spent Thanksgiving at her new house with our daughters.
So How Was It?
It was relaxed and fine. To be honest, hanging out with Catherine now is a lot more relaxing than it was for the last 2 years of our marriage (and certainly more pleasant than the last year of our divorce.) I had so much stress when we were married. This would be a typical conversation in my head during those last few years: “Are we going to fight tonight? Am I going to get laid at all during this trip to her family? If I don’t laid will I just get pissed off? Is she going to go running off to go Black Friday shopping with her sister and leave with with the kids? Is she going to ignore me this whole weekend?”
It’s hard to describe but those last few years of our marriage I felt so much resentment towards her. I felt her becoming distant and I was trying everything I could to save the marriage and it wsan’t working and it just seemed–to me anyway–that she prioritized almost any activity over being with me. This led to a lot of stress, and anger, and frustration and of courwse she felt this and went down her own spiral (and we all know how that story ends…)
Once I turned the corner and realized, “We will NEVER get back together….” all of that started to slowly fade. I tell people this and sometimes they have hard time believing but it’s true: I think of her now almost like a sister-in-law or cousin. She’s someone I can be comfortable around or hang out with and it doesn’t stress me out. All of those things I used to worry about never enter my head. I show up to her house with zero expectations, we make pleasant small talk, and I basically just enjoy my time with my daughters.
I’m curious how/if this might change if she or I had a new boyfriend/girlfriend that was in the mix.
What Do Your Daughters Think?
To be honest, Catherine and I do so many activities together now (dinners, etc.) that it probably doesn’t seem out of the ordinary to them that we spend Thanksgiving together. The only interesting comment that Elizabeth made to me one time was when we were both talking about our dating experiences she said, “If you’re both dating, why don’t you both get back together?” Delicate conversion ensued about how it just doesn’t work that way. Catherine (who’s now 7) made me a lovely set of Native American clothes to wear during Thanksgiving. It was darling and pictured here.
And Speaking of Dating
I’m back on OKCupid. I’ve had one date with a woman last week (the short version there: within 2 seconds of meeting this person I thought, “Oh, this will never work…” but I made a pleasant evening of it anyway. I had 3 dates with “Lady Cray”, which were interesting and best left to their own blog post, but I’m fairly certain I will not be pursuing any further romantically. I have another OKC date lined up for next week. I’m guessing that won’t work either because she’s 5’8″–you see I’m 5’7″, and yes, I am self-conscience and shallow that way… but I’m going to try anyway as she seems nice and I’m trying to do keep open-minded and she promised to wear flats 😉
Happy Thanskgiving/Black Friday everyone!