Dating Story Expert, Adultery Fails and other Stories

Long Suffering Readers! Happy Autumn,

So I came across a link tonight that made me laugh:

Top 200 Dating Experts to Follow on Twitter

Apparently I’m #61. (Ironically I found this link while I was doing a search for an old post I wrote last year on “Phrases that I hear at work that sound dirty.”

61. @DivorcedD20: a recently divorced father discusses dating, divorce and parenting in California.

This is, of course, on the surface, a farce. Long suffering readers are well aware that I’ve dated exactly 2 women (Hot Pool and Johanna, more on both of these ladies later…) and neither ended particularly well. That said, hopefully the tweets and posts as during these sad travels have made for light and fun reading. For that, I’ll take it!

It also made me wonder where else I might have popped up while not paying attention. Apparently I’m also listed as 31 Reasons Why Men Don’t Cheat.

As it’s been so long since I’ve written I actually do have some dating stories to tell. It’s a story of affection, contemplation, and then ultimately heartbreak.

The short version: “Johanna”, the girl I’d been dating since Jan 2013… we are no longer dating. I’d originally thought that if we were still dating come May, I’d introduce her to the girls. May came and I was still feeling apprehensive about actually introducing her to my daughters so I thought, “How long do you date someone if you don’t think you’ll actually ever  allow them to meet your kids?  She was sad. There’s a lot more to this story, but strangely, I feel awkward telling stories about her (including the handful of “Ex’s with Benefits” encounters we had after the breakup.

“They’re all boring…”

So I was over at Catherine’s new house the other day to pickup the girls when she started to tell me about the match.com guys she’s been dating lately. Apparently she’s been out on several dates with different guys, but never makes it past the first couple of dates.

“Why is that?” I ask.

“Well, they seem nice in their profile, or look interesting, but then you meet them and they’re all duds. They have no sense of humor.”

Hmm, I think with conceit, if you wanted someone with a little moxie, you had that once and threw it away… I remain silent.

“Have you been with anyone, ya know… sexually… since Dickhead?” I ask with genuine curiosity. (“Dickhead” is the nickname I gave to the  guy she had the affair with.)

She shakes her head. No.  She actually looks a little sad. “I have no time for boyfriends.”

So let’s break this down. One: I only 70% believe her. There was a lot of lying from her to me in 2012 especially about her sex-life so I’d be a fool to take anything at face value without a modicum of scrutiny.

Two: even if it is true… it just made all the grief she put me though with her affair/divorce, and clamouring that she needed more passion in her life a tad more… oh I dont’ know… trivial? We have this expression in ice hockey (did you guys know I play ice hockey?) that if you’re going to take a penalty, then go big! You never want to be the one who takes the “Too many men on the ice” penalty. Same should go with her. I mean, fuck, she broke up the family, sent me into a year-long tailspin, made the kids move all because she said she didnt’ want to be with me and have passion in her life. Well go out there, for fuck’s sake, and get some!

In other news, Hot Pool (yes the same Hot Pool that bailed on me around this time last year) has pinged me on FB and asked if we could have dinner sometime. It pains me to even think how that story would eventually unravel (hint: someplace ugly…)

Hope you all had a great summer!

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