Happy Holidays, Lovely Readers.
So it’s Thursday night in mid December. To the best of my estimation, it was a year ago today that Catherine started her affair in earnest and began fucking The Other Man
So, Henry, how does this make you feel?
Honestly, I have to say other than some curiosity about the date, and the fodder for some blogging, I’m mildly indifferent to it. In fact I didn’t even realize it until I started doing some date math for a different project.
But Henry, it’s the first anniversary of your wife fucking someone else… SURELY this must upset you?
It doesn’t. Not, really… honestly it doesn’t.
Permit me to say more:
Given the audience that reads this blog–most of you who have gone through similar heartache as my own–you will probably understand this: I’ve already gone through the worst of the pain. The lead-up to the affair where I suspected she was drifting… her telling me she wanted a divorce… and then the actual discovery of the divorce. Horrible horrible horrible experiences. And then all the pain that followed in the subsequent months. I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t think of anything else aside from her betrayal. I could only visualize them together and wallow in a sense of deep loss.
But then.. at some point… I thought of it a little less. I met The Figs. I watched as my kids adapted and did not seem horrible scarred as I’d feared. I moved out. I started organizing my life. I realized that it wasn’t ME who failed. I did everything I could, and it wasn’t enough. At some point that went from being a source of shame to a sense of, “Well, fuck, I did what I could. It sucks that it ended as shitty as it did.. but what else could I have done?”
And then.. more time passed. I spent more time thinking of my future. Where would I live? How could I maximize the time with my kids? What type of electric smoker should I purchase? Should I purchase the real book or e-book version of the new Thomas Jefferson biography? I developed (and then lost) a crush on Ms. Hot Pool. My point: it became less about her.
And now, a full year later, if I think about her affair, or her betrayal, or if she’s dating another man, I just think: it just doesn’t matter. That was a different life for me. She’s now The Ex. The Mother of my Children. She is not my wife, she is not my future.
And so, it is with all honesty that when I tell you, my friends, that when I think of this anniversary it’s not one that fills me with sorrow, or pain, I just think of the significance and think, “Huh. I should blog about that.”
“Is this a date?”
In other news, last night I had my first date with a woman I’d met on OKCupid. She was one of the first ladies who messaged me after I setup a profile a couple weeks back, and after some brief back & forth over messages we agreed to meet for drinks after work. We met at one of those restaurant/bar places–she had martinis and I had single-malt and we made some talk. She is pretty and fun and talkative and we had a good time. I was predictably nervous and she seemed really good about it. She texted me a few hours after the “date” to say she had a good time. I said I’d like to see her again and I believe this will happen.
OKCupid is kinda weird, but I’m going to save that for another post. Apparently I’m “More Scientific” than their average user. Yeah, thanks, you choads, that’s really gonna help me get laid.
“Daddy, when are you going to start dating?”
And in our closing human interest story, my oldest daughter Mary asked me tonight, “Daddy, Mommy is going to start dating again. When are you going to start dating?” ”
“Do you want me to start dating?” I asked.
“Yes, I want to be part of a family.”
“You are part of a family. You still have all your family. The only difference is your mother and I don’t live together.”
“But you’re divorced.”
“It doesn’t mean we’re not your family.”
“But if you get married again, I’ll have a new mom.”
“You have a mother. You’re mom is your mother. If I get married again you’ll just have a step-mother. And what if she turns out to be an evil stepmother like in Cinderella.”
“Would you marry someone evil?”
“Well then she can’t be an evil stepmother now, can she?”
We then went on to have a discussion about how even if I did start dating someone (I did not mention that I’d been on a date just the previous night) that it would be a long time before she met them. I explained that people sometimes date for a while and then decide not to date and I didn’t want her to become attached to someone only to have them leave. I would introduce her to whoever I was dating once I thought they might be sticking around for a while. She seemed really comfortable with that.
And with that, dear readers, you’re caught up!