To my Long Suffering Readers: I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, and yes I’m wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving even if you’re not from the US, there’s always plenty to be thankful for. It was this time last year when I first made the transition in my head of, “Catherine is not just unhappy, she’s on the brink of having an affair…” As we all know that gut feeling turned out to be correct even if I didn’t have solid proof of the affair for another few months. The last year has been filled with a wide range of emotions and as I head full circle into where it started I do feel filled with melancholy, and yet I still have plenty to be thankful for. We shall touch more upon that in a minute. First an Update on the girls and my living conditions:
“How do you love Mommy? Do you love her the same way you love pizza?”
About a month ago I moved out of the room I was renting from Charles and into a 3-bedroom townhouse I rent from the parents of an old school friend which I’m calling The Volcano. It has been very nice having my own place and has really helped settle down much of the angst I’d been feeling over the last couple of months from having no real home (my personal belongings had been scattered between 3 locations and 2 storage units). The girls enjoying the nights they spend at the Volcano which has also helped my piece of mind. The girls have been sporadically asking more questions as to the status of Catherine and I, “Are you closer to getting back together or getting divorced?” “Do you still love her? How do you love her? Is it like how you love pizza?” Every now and then I think my youngest Elizabeth is internalizing this more than she’s letting on, sometimes she cries and talks about being sad without being able to articulate why. These moments hurt my heart. My oldest Mary talks about how things are so different and how the holidays won’t be the same. I try to tell her that we will do all the fun things we always do (Holiday Train, Christmas in the Park, etc.) and that she may in fact get to do some fun things twice!
And yet… tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I will not be having Thanksgiving dinner with them. So that, my friends, sucks ass.
“You don’t need to have any flings with any Twitter Girls…”
Which brings me to the tale of Ms. Hot Pool. I have not written about her here yet (although Twitter followers will have caught glimpses of her name), but let me quickly sum up her story (spoiler alert: it doesn’t end well….) I’m only going to hit the high/low points and not the gory details
I met this young lady in late September at the pool/gym where I work out (I’d been referring to her as the hot pool mom at my gym, ergo Ms. Hot Pool.) We had conversation and went out on a date. The first date was pleasant and awkward as we ran into her ex baby-daddy at the restaurant. As we were both single parents meeting up for more “dates” was hard even though we did see each other from time to time for late night dinners. Romance was slow to come, athough we did text/talk on the phone almost daily. Duing this time her texts to me were sporadic; her words were promising (yes, I’m interested.. yes I want to see you… etc.) but then she would sometimes go dark for a few days. Two weekends ago we had a long chat where I asked her, “So are we going for romance? I’m OK if you want to just be friends, but you gotta let me know so I can change my expectations.” She emphatically said (once again) “Yes, I’m interested, yes I want to spend the weekend with you when I can, yes this will become romance… no, you have no need to look for flings with Twitter girls…”
“OK…” I said apprehensively (as I’ve now been blown off a couple times). We made plans to get together for dinner. She called me that night to check and said, “I will call you as soon as I’m out of the store and then you can come by.”
And that was the last I heard from her. I texted/called her a couple times that night to no answer.
Feeling rebuffed, I didn’t call her for the next week, and I finally pinged yesterday, “So, you clearly don’t want to see me, but can you at least tell me why? What happened. Was it me? Did you get back together with your ex?”
She wrote back a handful of cryptic messages saying, “Nope, wasn’t my ex.” But no further explanation. And so, Long Suffering Readers, my first post-separation dating experience ends not with a traditional “dumping” but rather with being “abandoned” in a way I have not experienced before. This too, my friends, feels shitty and sucks ass. Moving On.
“You’re both intelligent and gentle; the combination is rare. Also honesty seems easy and instinctual for you.”
So with all of these stories that end with “sucks ass” how is my mental health you might ask? I would honestly say: Mixed. On an emotional level in Real Life I still sometimes I think I’m a bit of a mess. Facing the holidays is rough; realizing that I did not have enough mojo for Hot Pool was rough. Spending these evenings at work until 8pm because I really have nowhere to go… kind of rough.
There have been some bright spots, mostly provided by The FIGs. There have been a handful of people in the Twittersphere. “Cinnamon”, “The Teacher”, The Canadian, and the woman living her life with her new “Fuck It” mantra (you know who you are) have all offered me a tremendous amount of support through this. I quite literally don’t think I could have made it through this process without you. Your kind words really have helped me when things were very very dark. Everyone tells me that this will be better in the long run, and don’t get me wrong, I believe that myself, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t filled with suck now.
And with the arrival of a simple nondescript envelope, it’s officially over.
And how’s this for a real time update, even as I almost completed writing this blog, an envelope came in the mail. Apparently I’m officially divorced and have been since Nov 13 (I wasn’t expecting this for another month.) Almost a year to the day once I started suspecting that she was having an affair, I’m now officially a divorced man. As this news is literally just minutes old I think I will have to write more about this at another time. For now let’s just say… I will be glad to see the end of 2012.