Good morning, Long Suffering Readers. This morning I write to you from lovely Richmond Virginia where I’m visiting my close friend “Santo”. Santa is one of my closest friends and has been since I met him about 20 years ago. However, this is only part 1 of a 4 leg vacation that I’m currently on with Catherine and the family. What’s that you say? You’re vacationing with Catherine? How the Hell did that happen?
The short version: we booked this vacation back in March or so before I discovered the affair. I thought long and hard about canceling it but there are 2 legs of this vacation that I really wanted to enjoy (Leg 1 = visiting Santo, Leg 2 = visiting Roanoke colony and yes, I’m THAT big of a history nerd!) and 2 legs I’m not as interested in (#3 = visiting Catherine’s estranged father in Myrtle Beach and #4 = visiting Savannah “as a family”). Many of my friends ask, “Isn’t that weird? Isn’t it awkward? Are you trying to get back together?”
So as Santo and his wife asked these questions let me be INCREDIBLY clear: I am NOT trying to get back together with Catherine. Catherine and I are over. Long Suffering Readers know that there was a time—basically Jan through April—where I was doing/considering everything I could to save my marriage. And that there was even a different time after the affair came to light—basically April 5 through April 16—where had Catherine essentially “thrown herself on her sword” saying words to the effect of “…I fucked up! I’ve been lying to you! I had an affair! I will do everything I can to work on this marriage!” I would have listened and try to determine if she was sincere. By the time Apr 16 came around I knew neither of these were happening. I have moved on. I explained to Santo and his wife how I felt about these emotions, about how there was a time when, just due to my character I would’ve done nearly anything to stay married but when she essentially told me that she had no interest in trying to find humility or expend any effort to try to save our marriage after all the truth came to light, I became really clear that neither should I. It is a decision I have not regretted at all and in fact am now starting to welcome. Staying with someone for close to 8 years longer than they had an interest in being with you is an incredible burden to bear. Or as Santo put it, “The High Road has a ceiling!”
So why are you vacationing together? The answer should be familiar to all of you by now: for the kids. To me, hanging out with Catherine is (mostly) like hanging out with a mildly annoying sister-in-law. It’s not pleasant but at this point it’s not hurtful either. In fact when I start seeing some of her behaviors that used to cause me stress as a husband I just say, “I’m not going to miss that…” And the opportunity to spend 10 days with my kinds on vacation? That’s what life is all about, and I’m not going to miss that even if I do need to spend much of that time with her.
You said, “I’m not going to miss that.” Are there parts you are going to miss about Catherine? To be honest: not really. Again, Long Suffering Readers, she has not been into me in about 8 years. And now that some time has passed it’s really easy to see: that kind of sucked. And while I have not started “real dating” yet I’ve met some Fabulous Internet Girls (and some are indeed more fabulous than others! You know who you are…) who have been wonderful company. Not really ready to write about any specifics there, but suffice to say, it’s been wonderful being able to talk to people again who are actually interested in talking to you. And while there’s still plenty of suck left to go (selling our house, figuring out where I’m ultimately going to live long term, etc.) I’m in a much healthier space than I was 6 months ago.