On Thursday night, April 5, I discovered that all of the conversations I’d been having with Catherine were all based on lies; I discovered that for the last 5 months she’s actually been having an affair. This will be a long one, folks, so I’ll try to bust into bite sized chunks.
Ever since around Oct 2011, I’d begun to have suspicions that she was either having an affair, or about to have an affair. Any example I could give here would seem small and suspicious, but when taken into account with how well I know Catherine (we’ve been married for 10-years after all…) it all seemed sadly cliche: she had started to work out more, she had started to do things to make herself more presentable (different clothes, teeth straightening, healthier eating). She was again going out more often (multiple dance classes, working out more often.) When I would ask her about this behavior she would criticize me and say things like, “You know I like to look good! You know I like to feel better about myself!” And perhaps, for a time, she believed that. But I knew the signs. We’ve all seen this before.
By Christmas, I knew she was infatuated with someone (and now, in hindsight, she was sleeping with someone by this point) More subtle signs, “People are starting to notice me more!” and more subtle, a new found confidence in herself. I could just see it. As I watched it, it made more more sad. She was having a sexual awakening without me. I could also see more behavior of hiding her PC, hiding her phone, etc.
By January I was convinced she was having an affair. It finally blew up in earnest the night of Jan 27 when, while out at a show dancing she said, “Take a picture of me with my phone!” I said, “Sure… oh, your phone is locked, what’s the passcode?”
“I don’t remember.”
“What? What do you mean you don’t remember?”
“I don’t remember.”
She then proceeded to get very drunk while she danced (again, quite provocatively with one of the girls at the club with her new found sexual confidence.) Once we got outside I became livid, “What do you mean you don’t remember?! What are you hiding? WHO are you hiding!”
Remember, she was very drunk, “NO ONE, NOTHING… and then, FUCK IT, I want a divorce… I can’t be married to you anymore… I can’t be married… i want a divorce…”
Up until Thursday, this quickly became the worst night of my life. Raging drunk, she continued to just bemoan how unhappy she’d been, how she’d felt stifled, but it was also intermixed with, I want to feel passion in my life… I want to be free.. i want to feel passion. All of this just doing more to confirm my suspicion of an affair.
The next morning, she awoke, severely hung over, but still convinced that she wanted a divorce. This is not how I wanted to tell you, but it is what I want.
I immediately went into, “Oh shit, I need to save my marriage mode!”, but it was too late. She was adamant. I kept asking if she’d been having an affair… I could work through it, we could work through it. She kept insisting it was not about someone else. There was no affair, she hadn’t been with anyone. And let me tell you, gentle readers, I prodded on this OVER AND OVER. She kept insisting it was not about anyone else, but about the problems between her and I. I didn’t completely believe, but I wanted to believe. About a week later is when I started this blog.
Up next, The Discovery.